Why Two Years?

This entry goes back to June. It is from a journal entry I wrote when I first started talking with Global Partners about missions work. I feel as though it perfectly answers the question: "why two years?"
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As if I haven't learned my lesson a million times over, I immediately start to plan out my life again. This is perfect. I will be a missionary. Leave in January 2011, serve until Nov. 2011, come home and join the CG in Dec. 2012. Is that what you want God? I ask after I tell Him how my life is going to work. 

 

I've got my perfect little plan in my head and share it with Tanya from Global Partners when I talk to her about my desire to do missions work. Very kindly she listened as I'm sure I sound like an idiot mapping my life out for her. She is very supportive, and really encourages me to serve overseas however long it is that I feel God is calling me to serve. Only for my knowledge though, she proceeds to tell me about their two year program- just so I can fully understand why they recommend serving for two years. She talks about building relationships, and learning the language and when people serving for a year come home they feel like their work is just beginning as they are leaving. Because of that people serving for at least two years feel a deeper sense of fulfillment. I let that brew in the back of my head and tell her I will prayerfully consider that as an option, and I did.  

 

After sharing the information with my mom and replaying our conversation a few times in my head I remembered something else she said about the two year program that didn't stick out at first. She mentioned that it is more of a sacrifice to give up two years of your life. Usually people can look into the future and say 'next year I will be doing this' but they never look out and say 'yeah, in two years...' It gives you the opportunity to give up your life for Jesus and completely put your trust in Him. 

God answered my prayer about the two year stint almost immediately. Two bible verses popped into my head. (I was thinking it was one, but I was getting them tangled together) The first was Matthew 10:39, "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." and Mark 10:21, "Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. 'There is still one thing you haven’t done,' he told him. 'Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'” My plan was all wrong. With my plan to come home after serving for a year and jump into the CG I was not putting my trust completely in Him, I was clinging to my life. I was looking out for my best interests to find a situation that would better my life. But how can I better my life? I need to get over all of the material possessions and monetary wealth that the CG can provide and rely completely on God to provide for my needs. If I let go of the Coast Guard and the ideas that come along with it, I can let God work in my life and completely 100% trust in Him. Holy Cow. What a scary, yet liberating thought: not just saying I've given my life to God and that I trust him, but actually doing it. Wow!

What about the Coast Guard?

Before I heard if I was accepted into the Coast Guard or not I became really excited about the life the CG would provide for me. I would make a  fairly decent salary, have a housing allowance to afford a nice apartment, make enough to buy or lease a nice, new, Xterra. I would have enough money to pay off my student loan in a couple years. The GI bill would provide me the opportunity to go back to school and get my Masters compliments of the US Government. I could also use money from the GI bill or my AmeriCorps Ed. Award to buy a cutting edge, state of the art Mac to replace my 5 year old slowly dying pc. With military discounts and 30 vacation days a year I would be able to travel all over the world at a lower cost. I would have health insurance, life insurance and dental coverage. I would make a good pension. And I would have the ability to continue to move my way up in the CG thus making more money and if choosing to stay in long term I would have a really good retirement plan to fall back on when I retired after 25 years of service at age 50. Those are just the benefits that came along with the job. The job itself, though I didn't know what exactly I would be doing, seemed pretty exciting as well. Putting my life in danger to protect my fellow Americans. Not being stuck in a daily routine leaving room for boredom and discontent. Plus I would be doing a job where I could put others first and make a difference in the world...sounded wonderful!

Finding out I didn't make the August class was like a knife going through my heart. "Come on God, I've been so patient this year, waiting on where I thought you were leading me. I really thought this was your plan for my life. It doesn't make sense. I want to move on- now you're asking me to put my life on hold another 6 months to see if I can make it into the January class as the #22 alternate..." were the thoughts going through my head. I'm not going to lie, it hurt when I first found out I was wait listed as #22 for the January class, a class made up of 20 people. But God knows what He's doing, and who am I to question? I mean after all, throughout the whole process my prayers were "let Your will be done" and "if this is what You want for my life." After half a day of wallowing in self-pity and trying to come to terms with the decision that was made I tried to suck up my pride and praise God that I didn't get in even though it's what I wanted. 

I love the fact that God knows me better than myself. Seriously. It is quite humbling and really puts your life into perspective... God knows me so well and knows how much I love to travel, and how it's been on my heart to go overseas and do mission work that He closed the door on the CG to give me the opportunity to do that. To go overseas now, before I have a career, a home, a family, etc. the timing is perfect. Thank you Jesus!